Saturday, December 20, 2008

the Trouble with lagos

Okay, maybe i feel a bit better, after running around blogville in total joblessness, i have decided to give you some correct gist.

Alausa Secretariat is not for the weak

So this early afternoon, i had an appointment in alausa , i wanted to look"Hot!!(insert dbanj Mogono feli feli soundtrack)

thats how my naughty grandmum cooked jollof-rice with meat and moi-moi as breakfast. politely i told her that the outfit that i was wearing would not permit and i say it again PERMIT- any form of eating whatsoever.

my grand mum was highly distressed at this sad turn of evens and promptly called mummy toyinyomato to address the issue.

result- i had a heavy breakfast, and grad mum toyintomato was appeased

so at 2pm, due to traffic reports at ikordodu road and ikeja about the impossibility of driving , i proceeded to master plan B and took a Cab/taxi to alausa.(My only great idea)

- thats where the problem began

i decided to sightsee a little bit and got out a few miles before my stop , since i have not had the opportunity to see lagos on foot.(my first bad idea for the day )

then it happened, the first Honk, hmm

then this same car went and made another Uturn to come around, then a second car started honkin at me,

note to guys- Honking at girls on the road is so not cool.

to avoid further embarrassment to my babe status , i decided to cross the street hurriedly(my second bad idea for the day) thats when two Ibo guys got off and okada and started hooting at me, mind you my skirt was not short and my boobs was not out.

thats when i occured to me i really should not be walking the streets of lagos if i am really shy.
and thats the trouble with lagos

Today, i remebered

Dont know what to write

Today i thot about my EX, i Hate thinking about my EX

Today i thot about all the people owing me stuff- i wanst too happy

Today i remembered broken and delayed promises to me

Today, i missed me

Today i remembered my resolve never to cry over a guy

Today i wondered why i always end up getting hurt

Today i did not smile

Today i missed dear friend , God

tomorrow will be a better day , i owe it to myself.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Maybe its time for me to Hide now

so i found my diary from 2003, a bunch of crap and a bunch of hilarious hilariticios stories

since its my dairy this might be more personal than funny , so enjoy

Nov,02,2005: Description of Guys or maybe one guy in my life

So am waiting for Mr Right or Mr out of Sight, and then i begin to doubt, so i decide to have a little fun with MR FOR NOW and wind up hurt and confused

I spend some time with MR TOO Good to be TrUE until i realize , he IS, and am left with a broken heart.

MR ALMOST and MR PRETTY come along, but the more i get to know them , the further from the ideal they seem. they are NOT perfect, but if i am honest neither am I

Then Gbam!! Mr SEEMINGLY GOOD but BAD comes along then am sucked back it again..gosh! when will this cycle end.

Monday, September 22, 2008

his name is ERIC!!!

Eric, and i have become very good friends, fortunately i can never recognize him. this is the tory of how i met Eric,

after a long and exhausting and totally excruiating day( wey dem.. i used big grammer...a round of applause for me)
so back to the gist, at precisely 3 :23 am..(don't worry i know the exact time)
thats how madam Tot- starting hearing

oh Eric!..OH! ..oh!.. Oh ERIC

thats how i open just one eye look at my bedside clock..3:20am , i adjusted my sleeping position, checked my windows and put my sleep back in cruise control and carry go.

**hiss , nonsense neighbors.. trying to wake madam T up inbetween my sweet fanimorous, fantastic and inactual fact joloful sleep

2:23 am- ERIC, ERIC...ERIC......haba winsh ones is this Eric...(*this early momo)

2: 37 am - gboom!!!, gboom!!! haba see me see trouble my wall is vibrating

Mr Eric was getting his grind on at my own expense
.options to consider

1: hit the wall back with a stick
2: call the cops - complain about noise disturbance
3; ignore him , the average **** (fill in the gap) rate is 20 mins, he will soon tire

i choose option 3, you people know how i LUrve my sleep. by now my anger was raised to power 5 ... but as a correct babe i checked the anger .. quick quick..

finally my sleep ran way, and gbeboruniciousnities took over , i decided to see , how long Mr Eric can go on
4:am- everyTHing is quiet
4:10am- Mr Eric started again
4:28 am - Mr Eric stopped
5:12 am - Mr Eric started again

Haba ..serious vexation of the highest order, abi these oloribuku's dont have work this morning it 5am, i have lost 2 hours of sleep.
..i refuse to get angry, you know am single "wink"..i don't want to act like a frustrated desperado..hahah

6am- No way, Mr Eric is still goin strong.

Due to my utmost respect for Mr Eric in achieving this unbelievable feat for 3hrs, i decided to call in to work late to honor him and listen for his GRAND FINALE..

unfortunately.. i fell asleep!!!.. SEE MY LIFE ..

but i know i can always recognize Mr Eric- i got his


Sunday, September 21, 2008

yePAAH- see my Life

in actual fact i am totally horrifies, No wrong word, , i am totally embarrassment and disgraced.
the last time i blogged was in May, this is September.

..everyone begged, they sent email, the made phone calls, ..and my stupid, gbense, stubborn head, refused to make time ... i busy chasing boy up and down boston , and now "boy " has gone, so am back to being single again, ...hahaha

..shhh, now i have to add this to my list of things i don't see thru.

anyway..AM BAAAAACK!!!, this might not be too regular but i will at least try.

to get myself back into the "inner circle of Blogville"

MAdam Tot- aka toyintomato is back,
decided to be 2008 compliant


Saturday, May 17, 2008

Walk into the Guy's Toilet..Nobody will stop you..True!

okay, so i was at the airport, and as usual, the planes were delayed, anyhow, i was funmming and lamenting, cause, i was supposed to be at work, and my darling boss does not play with lateness- aka Tardiness..

anyway.. so piss was catching me, and i walked over to the ladies, however i was talking to one of my toasters and he was trying to calm me down, so i did not want to enter the ladies.."you know guys can actually hear you when you pee, they just pretend like they did not hear anything :)

on a side loving this song right now..wait at 48secs, my dance moves goes into over -Drive

anyway back to the story, so i was walking in circles.."hot piss delaying tactic" when the boy finally got of the phone , that's how i ran in the toilet, as i entered, i saw one baba smile at me, so am like..hmnn this airport must be co-ed.

so, thats how , i carry go, i continued walking in looking for a free stall..that's how, i was confronted with exactly 3 bare buts of guys..,

my stupid brain still did not click... i was like okay i will check the left side, they will have the toilets that have doors that you can close...(p.s its not my fault my skool is co-ed, gender equality nothing surprises, guys sleep in the same room with girls....and so many other things)

finally my light bulb blew up...Shooo!... am in the guy"s toilet...

if you see the 4-40 , i used to run out, i carried my 2
kobo-kobo Leggs and ran like hot piss was catching me(which in fact it was )..
anyway the airport security guys saw me run, u shld have seen them they laughing so hard !

..stupid me, i was talking on the phone and i did not look up at the sign for the toilet, i just waka /walked in
like my father built it...also how come the guys never even stopped me, they were all just smiling

lesson learnt= if you go into the guys toilet, no body will stop you!

HMnn i wonder, .. will they have ever told me, i was in the wrong toilet/bathroom

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Assault of one boobs and many boobies

okay i know, the weather is getting warmer, but, haba, is it becos i am new to this city, or maybe it is a trend, ..
so i got on the T,aka subway, this morning , and low and behold, a pair of nipples assaulted my very dear eyes,.. so my serious curiosity got hold of me, and i looked up to see the face that owned the boobies, it was an Old Woman, okay so maybe she was tired of wearing a bra, i forgave her lack of judgment,

a couple of minutes later, at south station, i am going up the stairs, and i raised
my head up...KILODe..what What..damn!!, another set of waist level boobies, this lady's boobs, was almost hitting her belly button.

what maybe this is a Boston craze, you know am from Rochester, its really cold there, so nobody is would even dare leaving their house bra-less, before the -2 degree cold weather will freeze ure damn titties off, its goin to be like somehone is hanging some large ice cubes off your boobs,, i digress again...sorry.

okay back to my story of the boobs assault, so i decided to grab a smoothy and of course, i saw another bra-less, hanging boobs, so i decided not to be bothered again,

based on my empirical survey and serious analysis, i think this is a Boston trend, maybe its an unspoken tradition, ""when the weather is warm, throw out your bras""..hahha..

oky, so i got on the train, and finally had peace, yeah, i could read my paper with being assaulted from left right and centre,
so i opened up the paper, the first 5 sentences i read, i screamed like a true RAzzz BABE that i am, the guy behind me was like,..oh you just read page 1.(cant find the link, but its a TRue!! story, ..touch my tongue)

so the article was that, they caught a New jersey cop, getting a Blow job from a Cow, oya let me use proper English, he was receiving fellatio aka oral sex ...hahaha, from a COW!, its officially called bestiality to animals...hahahah

poor cow, how did the cow know its supposed to suck, oh useless brain, is coming up with so many explanations..

but one thing i am sure of, without any doubt in my mind, the bra-less boobs of these Boston old women,is a serious contributing factor , to that guy going to do the Nasty-Nasty with cow..

"shaking my head"....really !!