Monday, July 30, 2007

is it only me this happens to???? i wake up, Friday morning, yeepah", aiye me oh= see my life. oh shit!, i am very late for work,this lateness is even later than my 8:15 am Naija resumption time,

shoo see me see trouble, i rushed into the shower, did my boardin house shower aka Rub and Shine: (see break down below)
1:quick brushing =2 sec,
2:pour water on my face =3 sec,
3:jumping the shower =1 sec.
4: one blast of cold water = 4 sec..finish!

i rushed, put my jewelry in my bag, no time to make up, grab my cereal and bottle of milk, grab my Vaseline, ...abeg no time to my lotion up my body, ever reliable Vaseline will have to do.
pour plenty of perfume and deodorant..i have to still keep up my babe facto meter up, despite the situation..hehehe.

then i ran like baba suwe= a raving lunatic to work.
in fact, toyin-T, well done, i pat my self on the back, i beat my personal best of 15mins, i reached the office in 7:23mins flat..kare, u are the true daughter of your father..

anyway as i reached the office, the blinds were down, maybe the front desk person is home sick.
i enter the office. kilari , kiloshele=what the heck is happenin, all the lights are off, the office is dark.
hmnn, maybe today is a public holiday, but i did not get any email, but again in my rush i did not turn the T.v on.
.. confusicatison caught me, hmnn, where is everyone in this office ??
anyhow so thats how i waka=walked to the V.P's office, her lights were on, so thats how me toyin-T , international gbeborun, started asking, where is everybody, what happenin..i was lookin for gist.....haha
thats how V.p " ..said toyin my dear, its only 6:45am, what are you doin here????

extreme shock, yeepah, see my life, olodocious olodo, in fact dumb mu-mu,

what the heck am i doin here at 6am,and not 8am my official resumption time.
you see my life, and i am supposed to be an intelligent person..hehehehehehe

(p.s :dyed my hair back to black, will add the theme music at work so am rushin..hahah)

Sunday, July 22, 2007

i am just a Razz girl

..okay, so this saturday, i am jejely plannin to go shoppin, as i reached the bus stop, minding my own business, listening to my ipod and tryin not to sing out too loud.(typical me)
as i sat in the bus, i just let out a fantastic yoruba scream.....ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
..the shuttle driver slowed down and looked at me, (am sure he is thinkin, these Africans, what is it now").
can you believe it what are the odds, the guy right beside me is holding the new harry potter book"original" released 12am this very morning.
....dats how razz toyintomato,asked the typical dumb question... "xcuse me is that the new harry potter book"
the bobo looked at me strangely, i told him, do you mind if i take a look.
am sure the guy , wanted to do anythin to shut me up.
..this was 8am in the mornin, i did not think i would see the book until 4pm to say the least..
so toyintomato was extremely excited to
1: touch the new harry potter book
2: open the first 4 pages
3: look at the back of the book

unfortunately the fear of shamin my self in public, refused me to ask the boy if i should read a couple of the pages..hahahah., anyway am happy.
....see everywhere in the mall, all these little kids are reading the harry potter book, oblivious to anythin around them...haba, just too young for addiction to start.. abeg wetin concern me., so i just removed my face.

had a lenthy phone call with my one and only sister, heard she had chicken pox, and fear is catchin her, that it would destroy her face...anyway, i told her it would not be funny, if i catch the stupid thing from across the phone, you kno how these Americans dont joke with contagious diseases..
abeg let me stop, you know they monitor online blogs and flag sensitive words, before they send immigration and health services to my house..
...(...oya American people reading this blog. i state i do not have chicken pox, true

oya the mall gist, i went to the mall to look for a red purse/bag to match my red shoes. so i did balogun/lagos island shoppin style, i took one leg of the shoe to the mall, i did not send jare, you shld have seen me, ..i was on a mission, if i see a purse, i will just pull out my shoe and place it beside the bag, abeg it my money oh.
one oyinbo woman , used eye to look at me,
cuz i scattered around 6 different shades of red purses on the floor, trying to match my shoe.but you trust me that didnt even faze i dont have shame when it comes to

anyway i successfully got a green and pink purse, but no red bag, i tire, you know its only in the summer that these oyinbo's have color, by the fall all i will be seein is boring Grey , brown and ever reliable black bags.

..(..1 hour later, after my regular Sunday Sunday naija phone call. me and my stupid big mouth, now i have to go back to the mall, and buy the bags for both my mum and my sister, i hope the sale is still on then.

..another 3 hours later,oya, this is toyintomato vexin big time, i give up, this my naija jet black hair, has failed me again, this is the 2nd time, i am tryin to dye it dark red , and it comes out brown...whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy me!..Baba God all i want is red hair?
..i have decided, i will do night vigil and prayer and fasting, by next week toyintomato's hair must turn red, before the chicago trip on August 5th..."i call this operation red hair by 05."..hahah

(hey girls pls i need suggestions on what product i should use to dye my hair red, since we all have naija hair)

Friday, July 20, 2007

my naughty grandmum

... reading the ever hilarious bimby's latest post, summer of 89, reminded me so much of my grandmum. i decided to write this....

one sunny day, my mummy toyintomato, told Alhaja Surulere, no more speakin of yoruba to this child, i dont want her to have a yoruba accent...(p.s i think my mum just read one of those nonsense child development books, my mother is like this, 2 much education jargon)

..the problem: Alhaja Surulere aka my grand mum does not understand a word of English

being that toyintomato and Alhaja Surulere were pretty close, we reached a compromise, she would speak her correct Abeokuta Yoruba with me, i would reply in my perfect private school queens English..kappish

...the problem: most people usually assumed i didn't understand a word of Yoruba.....hahaha

..and so the drama began.
one perfect Sunday evening, Alhaja Surulere's association of jobless women whose kids pay for everythin, were discussin the next official color of their gele/head tie, the debate was over gold and green, or pink and silver gele.the argument was tough, some people did not have any lace to match either color (hint, thats my grand mum, and so she was tryin to find a way to disrupt the meetin)

..hummin away to nothin particular, walks in toyintomato with a whole mug of dry milo and powder milk, chewing away with no care in the world.

ehh ,what is this?.., the Association women, were in utter shock!, what is your grandchild eatin, ehh, she is goin to spoil her teeth.

my grand mum smiled, and said, maybe you women, should just tell the child,thats how toyintomato was forced to join the meetin grudgingly and reluctantly abandoning my wonderful cup of dry milo and milk, then my grandmum said, by the way she does not understand yoruba..

the 3 oldest ladies burst out screammin, ehh kin, ko gbo, ..she dosent understand what, how???, why, how did you let this happen to your first granddaughter.. ..what a shame!, so its only englis she speaks, how will anyone know she is from the south?

My Grandmum replies: her mother refuses to teach her.

total confusion catched the women, how are they goin to relate to this thats how translation woman, volunteered, she told the other ladies that she had 4th grade/primary 2 education so she was the most knowledgeable in the speaking of English language. she the tried..

association women: aburo=child, you know powder mik,is fery bad 4 your mouth(with heavy yoruba accent)
toyintomato: noo way, this milk is perfect, gives me calcium, sugar for energy, and even contains all the recommended vitamins for healthy bones( said in perfect queens English with fone)

association women: so fun=tell this shild she will have jedy-jedy
the woman translating :toyintomato, shey, u know dat sickness, wish cosin belly pain sickness eferywhere, all and arounds te body

i am holdin my toungue , tryin really hard not to laugh, meanwhile my grand mum is givin me the "if you talk look"
...instead i ask..." what type of pain is this?"
translatin woman: ehmn, the sickness, that iya sikira's shild haf last week.
me: that was just constipation.
association women: hmnn ko ma gbo= she is not understandin...., kilamashe=what are we goin to do

....the translatin woman is trying her best, thinkin very hard , analyzing the subject-verb agreement on the words she is goin to use to explain this illness to me, finally she smiles....

translatin woman: oya toyintomato, does you kno, about Agbo-jedis?..(thats the bitter stuff made with alcohol and different plant roots/extracts and herbs)
me : what is this jedis?.....(i added my queens English fone, for
translation woman: jedis is sickness, cauzin you to run fast to shalanga, ehm toilet
me: no way , i use laxatives every sunday, my system is perfect .........( referring to the exact same agbo jedy we are talkin about..hahaha) this time, the lady translatin was already frustrated, she asks my grandmother...klass wo lowa= what class is this girl in skool,this her englis, is not the same , i kno.
....with sweat pourin from her forehead, concentrated determination, and mastering all her primary 2 english education words she sighs with resignation and says....

...." omo yi=this child, ...jedis is goin to cash you, vefy plenty. you will sare ehmn run to toilet, and shit will will be poring..purrrrrr, gburrrr, skphurrrr, raptartapgpatttt, without control from your yansh...

...clap! clap! clap!, the other women started congratulating the lady translating on her English skills, the woman translating then ended with this thank you speech. ....thanks you eferyone, that shild wans to senior my englis ,lai, lai, nefer , me iya modinot, wife number tree, sowed thats i ams still educasion, evens if, it is primarys 3 , longs time ago. naughty grand mum, was giggling all this while, knowing fully well, i could understand every single word of yourba , they were all speakin., but she was happy that she had distracted the meetin from the color of gele

(p.s : i think jedy-jedy = pile/dysentry, am not really sure,
Abgo -jedy= herbal combination of alcohol and plant roots, barks leaves /extracts and herbs used for preventive /cure for infant dysentry, ususally very bitter )

Friday, July 13, 2007

bad energy people

....hmnn, i have edited this post a total of 5 times.
my mojo is down,some bad energy people at work are mentally drainin me.
don't worry , i have reported them to Baba God, He will handle all of them 4 sure, tryin to mess with toyin tomato, aka omo labi eyin lari.

maybe if i write somethin about the past, i will feel better...
okay i call this totally hilarious and ridiculous past datin events, i hope it comes out right, i was actually thinkin of doin a series on it, but am not sure....

1: i met this bobo in church..back home,he seemed cool, he was tall, everythin seemed perfect, thats how i sha agreed to grace him with the company of toyintomato for a
it was a saturday date, and it was kinda late, so i never looked at the bobo's face, well, as i sat down, and looked up, ori mi, yeepah, what have i gotten myself into..this boy's lips was pouring, let me correct myself..drippin with lip gloss, ..not chapstick oh , but the glossy lipstick that girls use.
as i was tryin hard not to stare, thats how the bobo , brings out the pink shimmery lip gloss, pulled out the brush and started applyin it to his mouth.i whisper a silent prayer..pls God,just this once, dont make me laugh, plz plz,..
anyway, the boo started talkin about how, he has really dry lips, and his sister gave him this chap stick(chap kini, this is gloss get it right) ..this his sister must not like him at all.
....anyway our food arrived, i was happy. thats how the bobo, said do you mind , can we say a little prayer, as a church girl, i said of course.
the prayer started, we prayed for the children in Somali, we prayed for our country Nigeria and its leaders, we had mini praise and worship, we even did testimony, after like 40 mins, the bobo now asked me, if i wanted to add anythin to the prayer, ..ehh after all that, i just smiled and said i was good. wetin i wan add again, when angel gabrel is already standing with
(lesson learnt very careful of prayer warriors in church)

2:: this was a lunch date, one of those places at V.I. the guy kept saying my name includin my last name when he was talkin. i really like my name, so i did not vex. so he continued talkin that he, had met my mum at a meetin before, and he just kept on staring at my mum and dreammin.
which type of talk is this... thats how i asked with style, that do you think this is appropriate, considering that you are talkin about my mum, the bobo refused to stop, saying how wonderful my mum looked for her age..blah, blah balh..thats how, i told him this is the last time, i would go out with him. the bobo kept quiet.
..gboa!screechhhhhhhhhhhh.. we hit the curb, he started drivin on the side of the road(the one near the beach), he kept on sayin he was goin to drive into the ocean..eya egami, which kin were(=crazyman) be this, you shld have seen me, all my shakara stopped, kappish!. i started serious beggin, even my fone left my mouth, i added Yoruba.."olowo ori mi", my dear , pls don't do this , i don't want you to hurt yourself, i promise i will call you..blah blah..
.he finally agreed to take me home. you shld have seen me pira/run like a ravin lunatic from his car,when i got home, i locked my gate , and went straight to Mummy toyintomato,and gave her his phone number, let her handle this were alasho/undercover crazyman.
(lesson learnt : crazy people can also dress nice)

this is not working, am still feelin drained, maybe if i go to the club, i will fell better.
sorry pips, am out, i promise to reply all your comments from the last post later ...

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Phd guy, Chicago trip, and my stubborn head! this was our phone conversation 4 the trip

PhD Guy: so do you have good news for me
me: hmmnnn am not sure, tell me all the details of this trip again
PhD guy: girl! why are u tryin to make a big deal out of this, just come its a free trip, u will be stayin at the Hilton Palmer house, why are you over thinkin the situation
me: are you tryin to harass me
PhD guy: no not really, i dont understand why girls cant ever make up their minds. do you want to go or not, why are u acting like a baby
me: are u callin me a baby???
PhD guy : not really, you are a mature young lady, doin her masters and will eventually run a company and you cant even make a simple decision in less than 5 mins, you do the math.
me: hehehe... are you sayin i cant make up my own mind???
PhD guy: so i take it you're not commin then..
me: i just opened up the website, and confirmed the reservation.kappish(see how my stupid stubborn head always displays
PhD guy: it took you long enough...

.....hisssss, see my life, this boy just finished harrasin, and bullyin me, and i fell right into it, my playette skills are slackin big time.anyway ,i guess am goin to chicago, August 5th-8th.

(p.s funny thing , i am no more that excited about the trip ,instead i am lookin forward to the trip not the guy, so i am prayin really really hard that my red ribbon shld surface durin this trip, this typewriter doesn't want to type with Phd guy..hahaha)

"to my fellow blogers"

..thx for all the suggestions, as you can all see, my stubborn head ruled again, i did not even take 1 minute to think about all your wonderful now you can all see why my mother is always prain hard for me, i am too damn stubborn.

(red ribbon=menstruation.sorry guys i kno its 2 much

Saturday, July 7, 2007


okay...i promise this shld be short

i got a surprise call from my ex-something like a boyfriend aka undergee,
i really don't want to call him my boyfriend, lets just say we were "goodfriends"..wink!
...this boy invited me for an all expense paid trip to Chicago ,in august, hotel room the whole works, he is involved in an accounting conference happening there.
anyway this guy and i were in the same masters program, he started a few months ahead of me, he was cool, his body was tight, kinda confident and a little arrogant(i like my men this way, don't worry me too am stubborn, i always like a good fight...hahah)
so he and i had a great rapport, i could always match his Witt any time,

one day, i went to his apartment to work on a class project,...hmnnnn then we made "sweet music" together ..(stole this line from a blogger), i saw the light!, it was very bright...lmao
the music was great, don't you just love guys that their bodies are fit, they can go on forever, just like a , one round is so borrin and anti climatic....
fyi :this good friendship with music ,kinda lasted for a whole is good for the

we were both mature about this which was so cool, i even organized him for a couple of my friends..there is always love in sharing a great! long! firm! very hard! ."fill in the gaps"..wink! anyway this boy graduates , he is goin to do his Phd in another state, and we mutually agreed , that there will be no strings. he wants to marry a girl that will be submissive, i am not that, he wants someone from his country, somewhere in east Africa, i am from west Africa, we both love to flirt..i honestly consider myself a "playet"..haha

.....this boy, now calls me ,sayin "i was the best" what the heck does that mean
now he wants to spend the weekend with me, and he tells me he has been playing in local tennis championships, so he is fit and and all ready for me....yepa. this boy wants to fire my va-jayjay...heheheh, egbami o= save me
but again, the "analyst "in me is questionin this, "what is the catch?
he can easily get loads of girls, he flirts a whole lot, he is good lookin, what is the catch?
anyway he says i have to confirm the reservation by july14th,if i am goin,
i am so confused.....

(p.s fyi=for your information)

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

i am speechless

..this is what i discovered from youtube, his name is biodun, and girls take note..his dancing is hot