..to say i am tired is an understatement, ..so many things are goin on right now, so i am just goin to ramble, please bear with me. my brain/thots have no order right now.
my God father said i should come home, i think he and i have a kindred spirit, he said i need a break.
i changed my mind about applying for my Phd , i really hope i dont regret it later, i will postpone it until 2011.
my undergee, is mad, he wants me to do the Phd, i think he wants bragging rights with his friends, or maybe not, he really isnt like that, he has always supported my drive to succeed, so why is he mad??
i have never had a break, its either skool, or one professional exam or the other, i am forever studying.
i wish i can earn a job as a window cleaner. i don't want to think, i don't even want to be rich, i just want to exist..does that make sense.
anyway, i am job searching now, i need a job by December, why am i not looking forward to this.
i can feel my grades slipping, my hope of 3 A"s is gradually slipping to 2 b's and 1 A, i need to wake up, but i am tired.
i know i have gained weight, but i am tired, i dont feel like doin anything.
....one of my family friends committed suicide, everyone is scared, i know i am not depressed, i am just tired.
maybe, i am tired of living up to the standards, my sister calls me the golden child of the family, ..blah..i motive all the other kids, i am tired of motivating people.
i cant go home yet, i have to do all the numerous other professional exams i promised my mum i would do.
i heard i have to loose more weight becos everyone is expecting me to look on point when i get home,
there is a guy in naija calling me, i know he is bullshitting me, why is he callin me??, i know he has a girlfriend in lagos, i heard he told everyone that i am supposed his yankee girlfriend..nonsense guy.why is everyone hyping me up.
i have to by my ticket to go to atlanta, i dont feel like going, my family is going to be showing me off, i am tired
i want to be just regular, i want to fail, i want to be kicked out of skool, i want the horrible boyfriend that nobody likes, i want to be fat. i dont want to be someones dream.i am tired.
i know i sound a little ungrateful, baba God i really am so sorry.
i wish..i would wake up from this dream i made for my self and be just me.
18 comments:
Oh dear, don't worry. Soon , everything will fit into place one way or another. You just have to belive and pray real hard. Cheers!!
I feel you o, I bet you don't even like praying. U prolly wanna sleep some more, pig out, let your hair down and just be.
I have been there too many times of late.
What can I say "JUST BREATHE", honestly just concentrate on breathing, the cloud will shift very soon.
Go for a walk to catch some fresh air and concentrate on breathing.
Meanwhile here is some CYBER HUG
Awww, Poor Baby! I know how you feel believe me but dont worry, all things will work out well for good at the end. Reminds me of lawsch, how my parents had finished bragging bout their "brilliant" daughter even before i wrote bar part two exams. it was so spookey and to think they still expect alot from me. Pele love, do what you can do and leave the rest to God. Dont let anyone push you too hard o.
mmmmh, i think they comes a time in everyone's life dat u experience dis. 30+ has said it all. Hope u feel beta soonest! i want my bubbly Toyintomato back plz. Much luv gurl.x
Awwww...i think d stress of it all,is getting to you. Just take it easy on urself,nd take lil steps at a time. Am sending some cyberhug too.
Hey babe*hug* i know exactly how u feel...i think u shd take it easy, take up your Godfather on that trip, u need it. And most of all, find it somewhere to tlk to God as often as u can, he does care...pelee
Woah, thats a lot to live up to. Take things easy and remember 2mrw youd look back and wonder why you even complained.
maybe you should just be you. live for you because you only live once. i can feel it, you are really tired. but babes. you will be fine as long as you do what makes you happy.
to be happy is to live. to live is to enjoy God's creation. to enjoy God's creation is to be you.
much love. massive HUG. loads of love.
ur undergee? care to illustrate?
Sounds like you need a good vacation to center yourself :)
Awww babe, big hug. I guess you're just feeling a l'il overwhelmed- what with all this and your family friend comitting suicide. You feel like everything is creeping all up on you. Trust me, it'd pass and you'd be aight. Just take a break and gather your thoughts together. It'd do you good.
Also, in case you've been trying to access my blog, just to inform you that i've shut it down. If you haven't already heard the reason why, long story...
Hugs
xxx
Ahhh...d naija family curse, 'u must be better than us and our friends'
Alas, they mean well, but...
live u're own dream, ma sista.
Everyone will sort demself out.
Breathe, Breathe, Breathe ...
aww ToyinT, just breathe and talk to God, sometimes its best to just slow down and give yourself time to recuperate, you weren't meant for a 24/7 life hun, you have to rest
@ugo. thxs, i am fine now
@30+. thxs so much,true talk, i didnt even feel like prayin one bit.
@supergirl, i dont think anyone pushes me, its just i personally demand a lot from my self.
@manda..feeling superbly better now. thxs
@lurla. thxs for the cyber hug..mwuahhhh!
@omosewa.. i am seriosly considering it
@zharatique: girl, exactly true,looking back, i cant believe i was actually complaing,
@lightly.. much love, thxs
@anon..hahaha, undergee will forever remain nameless. haba you want me to enter hot pepper/trouble
@belema: ahah!..a new face , thxs for dropping by. already plannin a vacation as we speak.
@cally-waffybabe.thx, i think i was a little overwhelmed..figured out that your blog might close down.. too much volatile information goin on there..hahaha, hope you are fine, maybe you shld just keep the blog private.and just comment everywhere.thats all.
@ibilola: thxs girl. inhalllllingggg...eeeexhalliiiing
...slooowly
@kpakpando: i know, i am working on learning how to take time out for myself.thxs.
Abeg - na phase be that. You will be okay...don't worry??
:-s
Oko mi, Olowo ori mi, joo ma tired so gbo?
no disappoint yourself and loved one
God will see you thru ehn?
take a deep breath and exhale with max concentration * remember to do this daily as often as possible*
Also just talk to God about it ok? HE makes everything beautiful in his time.
Enjoy
wow... I know this feeling so well... trust me... u kinda feel like there's so much pressure on u... like u kinda just want someone else to look after u, make those important decisions for u... u kinda just want to be 2 all over again... I think, the one thing I have found that gives me strength in times like this is just crying out to God in my prayer language.... I'm no saint but I could never make it through without praying!
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